The bike is red because red, well, won’t show blood.  I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered to make me his son but I thought that was sissy crap so I said no way.

The bike has some mismatched parts, but that just shows how hard-core you are. Everyone knows different parts on a bike means that you probably know how to work on it and chicks love dude that swing a big wrench. The parts could all be re-painted, but if you’re going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you’re probably a no-balls lizard who doesn’t like to look intimidating.

I’ve topped out at 75 mph on this uphill but if you’re just a regular man you’ll probably top it out at 10 mph. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 1 speed.  Yeah, that’s right.  One gear, and nothing more.  If that messes with your mind, then this isn’t for you.  You should go back to the main page and find yourself a nice bicycle built for two.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a kick-stand.  I welded that thing right on there because I don’t ever want anybody taking it off.  If that’s a deal breaker –then YOU lack self confidence.  Real men don’t lay their bikes down.  You treat it like a beautiful woman.  You keep it clean and pretty and you ride it hard.

This isn’t a mountain bike or one of those weird skinny wheel bikes.  It’s got street tires on it that look like they came straight out of the Daytona 500.  The grips are worn.  If I were you I would snag this sweet ride and just rip’em off.  Put some duct tape on the handle bars and ride.

Bike is for $100 but on second thought, I don’t think I even want to sell it.  I don’t need your money as much as you probably need honor.  If you want this bike, write me a comment below and I’ll consider your plea.

I just might arm wrestle the winner for the bike.

Cheers,

Dirty Jack

I ride this bike everyday. Not for fun or sport like the spandex boys, but to hunt and kill food. I know for a fact that this bike will jump over canyons, climb trees, kill bears, and forge rivers. The bike has ridden every part of the Wasatch from top to bottom. This bike won’t break. It’s half carbon fiber and half bad-ass. Some guy told me this bike is a piece of history. Turns out this is the same effing bike that Davy Crockett road right into the Alamo.

The bike says K2 pro-flex 4000 on the side of it. I don’t know what that means. It probably means it can kill an elephant. The bike is red, so the blood won’t show on it. The tires are knobby so you can pedal straight up a cliff. It has shocks on the front and the back for when you jump off the cliff.  I once used it to save a nest of baby birds.  I shifted into second and road straight up a tree.  I saved those tiny birds in that nest…..  I saved them for myself.  I ate every last one of them including the nest.

The stuff on it all says “Shimano XT”. I’m pretty sure that is because it was cursed once by an indian medicine man named Shimano. The guy was a jack-ass. He tried to steal some of my stuff so I bit off his left ear.

The bike has a chain that I use to kill rattle snakes sometimes. It also has a seat. I don’t use it, but you probably will for the first few years until you build up the muscle.  I took of the seat and post and I ride it standing up everywhere go.

I also installed a shotgun holder on the bike that conveniently fits a water bottle.

If you have questions about the bike, don’t bother calling me. If you don’t understand how tough the bike is, I probably won’t be able to help you.

If you want to buy the bike, then I will take american cash. I need to send some money to a very important man who emailed me from nigeria so I need the cash quick.