What kind of bike? I don’t know, I’m not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick-butt spokes. It has no hand brakes, but if you think that deters me from riding down hills, you’re way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan’s mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that handbrakes can squeak and let the enemy know where you are.  The bike has one of those brakes that stops you when you pedal it backwards a quarter-turn.  Simple, smart, manly.

The bike is red because red, well, won’t show blood.  I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered to make me his son but I thought that was sissy crap so I said no way.

The bike has some mismatched parts, but that just shows how hard-core you are. Everyone knows different parts on a bike means that you probably know how to work on it and chicks love dude that swing a big wrench. The parts could all be re-painted, but if you’re going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you’re probably a no-balls lizard who doesn’t like to look intimidating.

I’ve topped out at 75 mph on this uphill but if you’re just a regular man you’ll probably top it out at 10 mph. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 1 speed.  Yeah, that’s right.  One gear, and nothing more.  If that messes with your mind, then this isn’t for you.  You should go back to the main page and find yourself a nice bicycle built for two.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a kick-stand.  I welded that thing right on there because I don’t ever want anybody taking it off.  If that’s a deal breaker –then YOU lack self confidence.  Real men don’t lay their bikes down.  You treat it like a beautiful woman.  You keep it clean and pretty and you ride it hard.

This isn’t a mountain bike or one of those weird skinny wheel bikes.  It’s got street tires on it that look like they came straight out of the Daytona 500.  The grips are worn.  If I were you I would snag this sweet ride and just rip’em off.  Put some duct tape on the handle bars and ride.

Bike is for $100 but on second thought, I don’t think I even want to sell it.  I don’t need your money as much as you probably need honor.  If you want this bike, write me a comment below and I’ll consider your plea.

I just might arm wrestle the winner for the bike.

Cheers,

Dirty Jack