I am a mountain man. You are probably not a mountain man, but, you wish you were. This bike is your ticket to two things: 1- Mountains and 2- Being a man.

I ride this bike everyday. Not for fun or sport like the spandex boys, but to hunt and kill food. I know for a fact that this bike will jump over canyons, climb trees, kill bears, and forge rivers. The bike has ridden every part of the Wasatch from top to bottom. This bike won’t break. It’s half carbon fiber and half bad-ass. Some guy told me this bike is a piece of history. Turns out this is the same effing bike that Davy Crockett road right into the Alamo.

The bike says K2 pro-flex 4000 on the side of it. I don’t know what that means. It probably means it can kill an elephant. The bike is red, so the blood won’t show on it. The tires are knobby so you can pedal straight up a cliff. It has shocks on the front and the back for when you jump off the cliff.  I once used it to save a nest of baby birds.  I shifted into second and road straight up a tree.  I saved those tiny birds in that nest…..  I saved them for myself.  I ate every last one of them including the nest.

The stuff on it all says “Shimano XT”. I’m pretty sure that is because it was cursed once by an indian medicine man named Shimano. The guy was a jack-ass. He tried to steal some of my stuff so I bit off his left ear.

The bike has a chain that I use to kill rattle snakes sometimes. It also has a seat. I don’t use it, but you probably will for the first few years until you build up the muscle.  I took of the seat and post and I ride it standing up everywhere go.

I also installed a shotgun holder on the bike that conveniently fits a water bottle.

If you have questions about the bike, don’t bother calling me. If you don’t understand how tough the bike is, I probably won’t be able to help you.

If you want to buy the bike, then I will take american cash. I need to send some money to a very important man who emailed me from nigeria so I need the cash quick.